The man... The legend... FUCK HAIR!!!

Fuck Hair: also known as “cool as fuck hair”. A hairstyle (if you can call it that) that is characterized my shaggy, choppy layers and sometimes chunky highlights. It is meant to look like you’ve had a good fuck and just rolled outta bed. For visuals please see The Cooper Temple Clause.

The man we call Fuck Hair was named after his signature hairstyle. I came to refer to him as Fuck Hair so much that others soon followed suit and he quickly became a legend among both emo and indie kids around campus.

The Fuck Hair highlight of the year was when the following ad was placed in the “Unclassifieds” section of the February 4th issue of the Brock Press… Fuck Hair had a fanclub!

Fellow Peers,
I hear he’s kind of a jerk, but if anyone manages to get it on with the sexy film TA with the glasses, DETAILS would be appreciated. He’s fucking hot.
Les Femmes

But then, suddenly, in the middle of March, tragedy struck. Fuck Hair cut his hair. We lost out beloved 7th member of the Brock University branch of The Cooper Temple Clause. A tragic day indeed. There were looks of sadness on all the young, indie girl’s faces. Although he lost his namesake hairdo, and became simply Fuck and/or Hair, we decided that he shall forever be known and remembered fondly as Fuck Hair.
The past 8 months have been more than amusing… But now it’s time to wave goodbye. Ladies and gentlemen,

The Best of Fuck Hair
Here’s what we know about the most entertaining Film 1F94 T.A. that an indie girl could hope for.

He’s sooo very emo in appearance. Extreme lankiness. Scruffy hair. Tight denim jackets with pins for obscure bands. Converse All-Star sneakers. Fancy scarves. The emo’est argyle sweaters. Thick glasses. Bless.

He’s a B.C. orphan (i.e. he’s all alone, his family is in B.C.).

He lost his watch. He borrowed his girlfriend’s watch and lost hers too.

He consumes massive amounts of coffee. One day all the caffeine made him paranoid and he became convinced someone stole his coffee.

He wore leg warmers.

He has crushes on Selma Blair and "Margot Tenenbaum".

He likes grilled cheese sandwiches, yellow highlighters, and using the word "hankering".

He once used the phrase "backwater assfuck town in Alberta".

He’s a total music snob.

I got mad when he told me that he hates The Vines and The Music and that he thinks Sahara Hotnights are weak.

I decided he was ace again when I found out he digs Interpol, The Sights and other Detroit shtuff.

He has a girlfriend so at least his hairstyle is authentic.

He used to know the Hot Hot Heat guys back when he was in B.C. He lived in the same building as one of ‘em as well.

CHOICE QUOTES
“I do NOT frequent whore-houses in Niagara Falls… I know that’s what you’re thinking!”
“Sometimes my mind goes all wacky – it’s all the coffee!”
“Any boy who wasn’t especially popular in high school has read the book… Not including myself… I was very popular… Football quarterback…Lots of dates to the prom…” – on ‘The Catcher in the Rye’
"Don't be led by what's in you pants cos in the end you're going to get fucked - and not literally!” – His advice to men.
“Aha! Fuck You! That’s not what that is… Jackass!”
“Now I kinda feel like a creepy sex-ed teacher… Whatever gets you off… That’s what we’re here for!” – After discussion on the “fucked-up, creepy gynecologist” and “boys who can’t keep it in their pants” in High School (the film).
“So he’s kinda a bit of a fuckhead huh?”
“The guy’s hot and his sister’s super-fuckin’ hot!”
“Do these people of Flint give a flying fuck about Miss America? … Now I’m sure she’s a very successful porn actress in the San Fernando Valley or something like that… That’s what all former Miss America’s become.”
“Badminton’s a fine sport. I’ve played it 7 or 8 times in my life and enjoyed it each time!” – On sports

R.I.P. Memories of FUCK HAIR