Friday, June 17, 2005

I’m sorry was it me thinking out loud?

In the world of ridiculous news apparently, Arnold Schwarzenegger hearts Kasabian’s debut. But then he got a look at the boys and in typical Arnold fashion he tells them to throw on Club Foot and work out 'cause “they have the combined bodyweight of one man only.”

Some
illusionist named Christopher Roller threw a $2 million lawsuit David Blane’s way for allegedly stealing his “godly powers.” Ah, Mr. Roller if your powers are “godly” how’d David Blaine manage to steal them from you? But what makes this story even better is that Mr. Roller is the same guy who sued David Copperfield for $50 million for using his supernatural powers without asking him first. Normally we’d make a snarktastic editorial comment here, but this one pretty much writes itself. Besides we’re pretty sure Mr. Roller would sue us if we shared our initial reaction.

Pete Doherty's still haunted by memories of the time when drug dealers almost killed him—you mean that kind of thing didn’t use to happen on daily basis, Pete? The dealers did the whole stereotypical hold you by the feet and shake you over the edge of a tall building thing after Pete did the whole stereotypical junkie thing of stealing a drug dealer's car filled with $365,000 worth of smack. Pete then gets all sweet and talks about how Kate saved him from sure death. So kiddies, the moral of the story is don’t do drugs, unless you’re a rock star. If that’s the case it’s okay to develop a heroine addiction because everything will some how work out and you’ll be saved by your lovely supermodel girlfriend.

Since we really don't condone drug use, here's a story that about a rock and roll star who doesn't do drugs. All y’all knew Chris Martin was a sensitive dude. So it should come as no surprise that he’s in touch with his feminine side to the point that
chocolate is his drug of choice. That best be Valrhona you're talking about Chris.

Those former Britpop stars really hate Live 8. After Damon criticized it for being too WASPy McWASP, former
Suede frontman Brett Anderson is calling the performers opportunists who are more interested in using the venue to sell records than trying to make a difference in Africa.

Never one to be left out, Noel Gallagher added his thoughts. Although Noel didn’t outright pan the event, he thinks
its ludicrous there’s a general feeling in Britain that rock stars should be helping out at this event. We actually agree that nobody should be there simply because they feel compelled; they should want to be there. Oasis don’t want to be there ‘cause they were already booked to play Manchester on the day of Live 8.

Peter Hook is a little jealous of Bono’s success ‘cause he’s convinced Joy Division would be in the same place as U2 is today if Ian cutis hadn’t committed suicide. Hooky, have you heard the latest U2 record? You’ve got nothing to be jealous of unless you want piles of cash and your own lame signature iPod. Oh wait…never mind.

‘Cause it’s Friday and we love you here’s what we recommend our local kids do with the weekend…

Tonight all the cool kids will be at
El Mo to see the fabulous Emiliana Torrini—say hi, if you see us. If you feel like nostalgic for the Britpop days of the mid ‘90s check out Oasis and openers Jet at the Molson Amphitheatre. Since no night is comeplete without post-show dancing you should head on over to Tawdry after either show.

Saturday’s the much hyped
Sleater-Kinney show at the venue we don’t care for that starts with a ‘p’ and ends with an ‘x’.

You're on your own for Sunday ‘cause we’re heading off to
this small town masquerading as a city for convocation and we’re too lazy to look up something for you to do. By the way Monday’s edition might be a little late ‘cause of the trip.

2 Comments:

Blogger Punk is Dead said...

Dude... I few points:

1. Schwarzenegger's mangled grammar is hilarious.

2. As much as I like Coldplay, Chris Martin seems to be becoming more lame every day. Though I don't know why everyone focuses their attention on him... He's hardly what makes the band great (it's not like he's even the primary songwriter). Just goes to show the tunnel vision of the mass media, or something... I guess.

3. I agree that U2's latest album is not their strongest. But we tend to forget nowadays that their earliest records are some of the best and time-tested post-punk/new wave albums ever made. Plus, they made Achtung Baby, which a lesser band could coast on for the rest of its career. And there's a compelling case to be made that Joy Division would hardly have the popularity (albeit, still "underground" to an extent) they enjoy today if Ian Curtis had not committed suicide. That sort of thing only adds to a band's mystique; while if he were still around today, his tortured sad-sack act would have probably worn a little thin.

4. I hope you don't think convocation's on Sunday, 'cause it's on Saturday. At noon. Hopefully I'll see you there.

11:18 AM  
Blogger The Fresh Young MikeyD said...

You're totally right about Chris Martin. My first thought was how totally lame is it to say chocolate is my drug. I thought that article was perfect example of one of those slow news day story where they force you to make news ‘cause nothing interesting is happening.

I agree U2 wrote some great stuff earlier in their career. I'm also skeptical that Joy Division would have been as popular. Nor do I think that would have necessarily been good for their music.

Yes I'll be there for convocation on Sat. There were no good shows on Sunday and I was looking for a cop out. Tara was also asking if you wanted to get together for some celebrating post ceremony.

12:34 PM  

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